The Ordinal Self Insert's Acts of Strange Heroics
by FFFEmperor
Summary: Melromark had no idea what they were doing. Intentionally summoning mythical heroes with a sabotaged ritual, only one shows up... with six holy weapons. "Nice castle you have. It would be a shame if it suddenly... disappeared." Parody/Half serious OP!SI
1. Chapter 1

**The Ordinal Self Insert's Acts of Strange Heroics**

**Melromark had no idea what they were doing. Intentionally summoning mythical heroes with a sabotaged ritual, only one shows up... with six holy weapons. "Nice castle you have. It would be a shame if it suddenly... disappeared." Parody/Half serious OP!SI**

This fic is inspired by Wandering Sword Hero (IMO my current fanfic's rival)

—

A world where only one hero exists is doomed. Or is it?

Chapter 1

The Best Protagonist

My entire body felt as if it was being ripped apart. My head pressurized in a way as if it was stuffed to the brim until my brain started leaking out of my nose, throat and ears. Not just that, my chest and throat were stiff, on the brink of pulling a Charlie's horse at any given time.

In other words, I felt like shit. Like tenderized meat that was hammered for over an hour, beaten by a rolling pin across this body over and over. I was choking on air and coughing.

I wondered if I fainted and the reason why I was still standing. All I wanted was to lay down on a bed and pass out right now.  
However instinct warned me of danger, to not show my vulnerability.

"Oh...!"

"It succeeded?"

"Finally, we're saved!"

I noticed people were speaking. They were wearing thin dark colored robes of the stereotypical mage in a fantasy themed setting. The room was dark because this was underground, save for a small crack of sunlight.

"Yuusha-sama, please save our world!"

Motherfucker, why were people speaking Japanese 3AM in the morning? Did I watch too much anime or something?

I facepalmed, staring at the group of what was highly possible to be magicians that whisked me to a different fantasy world.

However seeing as they did not try to enslave or attack me, I needed some answers despite the killer headache and concealed my pain.

"Oi. Explain. Now." Honestly, bringing me in pajamas...

"T-there's complications in your summoning." What?

I paused, then realized I had equipment on my body with a held breath.

A shield was strapped to my left wrist.

A sword was sheathed to the left side of my waist.

An axe attached to my right.

A short spear attached diagonal to my waist.

I could feel a bow that had somehow attached itself to my back like a RPG game's avatar.

And was that a belt? When did I have a belt?

"To answer your question with a simple question, we have completed an ancient ritual to summon you, Yuusha-sama."

"Ok, why? It better not be because of war. A demon king? World devouring monster? Someone summoned a mad God by accident? Or some otherworld empire who decided world domination? Insane kingdom?" I paused. "Aliens?" I hope it wasn't to summon pretty girls for sexual reasons by breaking the barrier between 2D and 3D. That or cannon fodder.

"N-no, none of those things." He coughed into his fist. Probably because of the unaired dust. "Our world is at its limits, teetering on the brink of destruction. Yuusha-sama, please lend us your strength."

"Sure... I guess. But only if I get to sleep." God you jerks summoned me like two hours after I went to bed. "Can we leave now? This place is dark and I don't have shoes." My feet are cold. I don't know if these guys even washed whatever this area is. Why and how was I speaking Japanese so fluently anyway?

"Of course. We would like you to speak to our ruler. He will discuss your future compensation with you in the throne room."

"Fine, but get me some shoes or boots. I'm not walking several flights of unwashed stairs barefoot." Gods knows what kind of parasites would get into my bloodstream if I cut my foot. "And they better be brand new and clean."

I'm not naive since I'm pretty sure I have zero resistances to infections here. I'll probably need a vaccine or something.

They seemed to have nodded, opening a heavy looking wooden door behind them loudly. Now I was recalling any hints in my memory that could have led me to such a situation.

...My memory goes back to some New Years fortune cookies I ate in the afternoon. Or was it yesterday? Either way it was probably the only outlier in my usual life.

'A great honor will be bestowed upon you with the coming year'

'You will be honored with a prestigious prize or reward'

'You will soon receive an usual gift freely given. Accept!'

...I got summoned to another world because I ate from a box of fortune cookies? No wait. The last thing I remember was looking for cup ramen in the cabinets and hitting my head, then going to bed... Don't tell me I died from that?

A few words and a minute later, I was given a pair of silver metallic greaves which were just barely big enough to fit.

Ugh, it's cold. I'll want socks or something later. This better not chafe. "Onwards!"

I stole glances outside through the slit in the wall at the spiral staircase we ascended. The sky was a beautiful azure blue and I could smell a hint of salt in the air, in contrast to the musty, dusty basement we were in earlier.

I turned over my new equipment, seeing the jewels embedded in them and realized just where I was. At least I was familiar with the series instead of a place being outright foreign to me.

On the other hand, it might be best not to do everything like completely following 'canon' blindly as a game walkthrough and cross my fingers for the best.

After all, I wasn't sure if this was the web novel, the light novel, the anime or just a parallel world where everyone is replicated down to a script and actors. And it's been over 5 years and I've only bothered to read the web novel alongside a few fanfics. Nor was I given any indication of my death or mention outside the media. And that's just assuming absolutely nothing in the setting has changed. It's probably a completely different timeline.

Still, why in the world was I given... six? That was six. Sure, I could dual wield but I sure as hell couldn't wield six weapons simultaneously. I only had two arms.

Finally we arrived in the throne room, the magicians standing to the side by the entrance. As insurance to put me down probably,

"Oh, so you are the hero. I was expecting more than one..." It was an old man. What's his name? I only remember his name got turned into trash later in the story and his shitty older daughter, Melt or Malt cheese or something. AKA bitch. "But no matter. I am Aultcray Melromarc XXXII, and I am the ruler of these lands. Hero, reveal yourself!" I had already planned on giving an alias in the long run.

However I needed to conceal them completely somehow. Hopefully I would have a method or ability at one point.

"Umu. I am Yuuki Rito, 17 year old high school student. I have a sister Yuuki Mikan who is in elementary school, am engaged to a alien princess named Lala Stalin Deviluke. I have a crush on a girl in my class, Sairenji Haruna and get attacked by a space assassin, Konjiki Yami and sometimes other aliens who wish to wed my fiancée on a daily basis. Also I seem to be encountering a lot of girls since this year began.." I recited the footnotes of To Love Ru.

"Ahem, that will be enough... now that you have imparted your colorful life history, I will explain our situation. This country; no, this world is on the brink of destruction."

"Ok." I begin to zone out most of details that I already knew. Promise of riches and dreams, yadda yadda yadda. Doesn't change the fact my mug isn't very nice to look out nor do I have a girlfriend or lover. Not that I wanted one.

Really, I just want to sleep and wake up watching YouTube eating spicy ramen or curry noodles with two eggs on top. My dream is to become a immortal with no health issues while living on synthetic food like potato chips, cup ramen and ice cream. That and become the best person ever overall.

A few minutes of nonstop talking later...

"I see." I nodded as if I was listening to everything he said.

"Although you have already introduced yourself, I'm quite curious with all the weaponry you have. Just which holy weapon have you been bestowed with, Yuuki?"

I shrug. "I dunno, all of them?"

"All of... yes of course." He looked as if he was having an aneurism. Everyone had been staring at me, likely due to the shield attached to my arm or the fact I had so many weapons on my body. "However to our, knowledge there are only four Cardinal heroes."

"Well, maybe I guess there's six in total and you just didn't know." These guys forgot about up and down after all, much less the diagonal directions.

"Six?" I looked down at my waist.

"The chastity belt counts I guess." It could be a weapon. I would protect my virginity for over a hundred years and become a God. "I mean, when was the last time you saw them? They had to be recruiting for help since they realized they could barely finish the job on their own."

Or at least that's how the saying goes right? Anyway women and marriage is troublesome, so avoiding it altogether is the most correct path. It's definitely not wrong, at least for now.

"Anyway, was that it? I'd like to go to sleep soon." I let out a yawn and tears, the headache still present. "You guys summoned me when I was asleep."

"Yes, of course. Night will be soon upon us. My servants will show you to your chambers where you can rest for the night and receive some food."

"Nah, just show me to my room. I'll do that tomorrow." I rubbed my right eye.

"Very well. Tomorrow you will meet the adventurers that have arrived at the capital to fight alongside you, legendary hero. All so that your power shall increase to fight the waves. That will be all." Great, I can't wait to go to sleep.

"Hero, please follow me." A maid came up to me with a light bow. I'll sort out this hero power stuff once I'm in bed.

...Or that was the case.

My vision was fizzing into static endlessly by the time I got to my room. What the heck was going on? Were they clashing because they were incompatible with each other's power?

I waved the maid off and shut the door, waiting for a minute before figuring out what to do about it if they didn't stop anytime soon. My patience was paper thin however.

"Would you stop fighting each other and let me go to sleep damn it?" I saw erroneous looking text being inconsistent as if being overwritten over and over in different fonts... alright that's it.

I wielding the axe and began smacking its jewel into the shield's.

"AAGGHHH!" I endured the shock, panting and continued. Next was the sword in my other hand and hitting the lance. The shocks grew almost unbearable.

I had to do this though, because these idiots will probably get me killed if I don't settle whatever rivalry they had now. My brain felt fried and my body spasming.

Finally it was the bow and the belt's turn. I held down the bow in one hand and smacked the belt's jewel into its own.

I would continue until either I fainted or this static bullshit finally stopped.

In the end I barely had the strength to pull up my bedsheets onto my bed, weary of the 1v6 free for all.

People who want isekais are fucking losers, I swear...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

First Meal

I didn't feel much better after waking up. I might've overslept because I don't feel tired anymore, as if energy was overflowing in my body.

However the sensation of fatigue remained, even dulled as it was. There's only one reason I got out of bed.

Grwwl...

I'm hungry as heck. I need grub and now. Looking up at the unfamiliar ceiling proves what happened yesterday wasn't some freaky dream because I could recall down to the last detail of what happened right now. I don't remember dreams outside of a very vague outline of it after all.

I notice with all these... artifacts, they don't weigh much. It's as if they were made out of hard plastic instead of some unknown metal.

As I exit my room, I focus my consciousness at the lower right corner of my vision. There was some... stuff there. Small icons. Ah I see.

But why are there 6 rows of the same thing in a slightly different style? Honestly.

Right. I was in the world of 'a shield hero's rising'. The legendary equipment functions and growth was based on the user's 'knowledge' and how they saw reality. Or at least, that was how it was portrayed.

Is there a map function...? Like Mabinogi.

I wait for a minute, but no change happened.

No? No map function... maybe they need to absorb a map first?

≪A legendary weapon requires materials of the world in order to access more functions≫

≪Certain functions are locked until the wielder of the holy sword obtains specific items to receive their power≫

≪The user cannot access this function until a item producing a similar phenomena is absorbed by the legendary weapon≫

≪This legendary weapon requires the item in question to reproduce the effect the wielder desires≫

≪The hero of the chain must obtain the locating equipment or be forever lost≫

≪The legendary sword can absorb materials to unlock a new power. Please do your best to obtain them all, hero.≫

...Six similar looking notices popped up I see. What's more, they are all in a different font.

God damn it. You're really trying to drive me crazy huh? Well I won't give in.

It seems I have several different 'statuses'... son of a... just put it all in one, universal page for me to see!

The pages of status meld into one. Except for that one. I began to glare at it.

Thank. God. You six... whoever didn't join with the rest, I'm going to find some poop and shove your orb into it. Repeatedly.

...

Good. It seems you can learn. Now let's see.

I click on the full heart icon. Everything is in English surprisingly. If it was all Japanese I would probably be screwed.

Axe Hero Lv1

Bow Hero Lv1

Chain Hero Lv1

Shield Hero Lv1

Spear Hero Lv1

Sword Hero Lv1

It seems I have multi classes? My stats on the other hand seem kind of impressive.

HP 758/758 (R 10/m)

SP 572/572 (R 1/s)

MP 362/362 (R .2/s)

Hunger 87/100

Attack 1~300

Penetration 0~5

M. Attack 1~25

Att. Speed 3~10

Defense 100

Protection 5

M. Defense 70

M. Protection 4

Mobility 2m/s

Range 1~500

Accuracy 300

Evasion 5

Critical Chance 25%

Critical Damage 140%

Auto Guard Rate 1%

Equipment Unlocked 0

Skills Obtained 0

Str 100 Vit 70

Int 25 Men 40

Dex 30 Agi 20

Luk 50 Ski 30

Cha 20 End 270 Pot 10000

I'm not sure why the last few stat parameters look like they're high on drugs because I don't have any pot on me. I think they're making fun of me. I mean the sideways looking octagon graph is really neat. It reminds me of those stat charts on Elsword wiki.

Closing the window, I look at the submenu section. The inventory icon retracted into one, which expanded into six different rows when selected with a small icon of the weapon slash equipment in question next to the bag.

As for skills, it split into a web where the main menu darkens, the weapons surrounding the body icon. It's really neat. Awesome.

Next was a chest armor icon, referring to equipment slots perhaps? Next was a map icon but it was pitch black so I couldn't access it. Next was a book.

「First day as a hero」

Don't die

※Find a a guard or servant to ask directions to the dining room or kitchen, or find the kitchen

※Obtain food and restore hunger to 0

So it was a notes section. There were four subsections; the first was where a flag icon was lit up. I tap on the next icon, a slightly rolled scroll was with a quill beside it.

「No recipes at the moment. Please produce an item or obtain a recipe」

It was interesting. It has more icons, such as a potion bottle, a hammer, a loom, a magic circle, a house and a wrench. Of course I had none so I moved onto the icon with a wolf's head on paper.

A bestiary perhaps? I take a look and see many, many icons, first was a planet, next a white stick silhouette with a smirk, a full bodied wolf, a tree, a dragon, a fish, a bird, a stick figure with cat ears on their head, a ghost, a skull, a golem, which is followed by question marks.

I check the only actual entry outside of the tab labeled 'human', Aultcray.

「Aultcray Melromarc XXXII」

King of Melromarc, spouse that married into the matriarchal line of Melromarc's 32nd queen. The former cane vassal hero who possess a great hate for Demi-humans and discriminated against them due to rumors of his younger sister's death in a Demi-human country. Has two daughters where the younger is the crown princess.

Level ?

Type Magic

I exit the encyclopedia and move onto the next... Ugh, let's find the kitchen first. This hunger is killing me.

"Oh, Yuusha-sama!? What brings you here?" Huh. Did I get shorter? Or is this guy freakishly fall?

"Food. Nutrition. Now. Soon." I was pretty grouchy because I have felt as hungry as this before, and that was when I was raiding the pantry, frying eggs on high heat and microwaving cheese while eating sticks of string cheese. If it was worse, I would also eat the liter of yogurt with nuts, berries and crackers.

"R-right. Please follow me as we finish preparing your meal." I tried to keep up and found myself requiring more steps to follow his pace despite the lightness in my body. What's more, the doorknob's height was about where my neck was... wonder why I didn't notice that earlier.

...Hm, I guess I did shrink. I wonder why that happened? My body is smaller too.

≪The hero's body requires regression to a malleable age Tabula Rasa invoked≫

≪The optimal level of growth is required for the supplementation of the holy weapons≫

≪The age with the highest level of growth is required for future development≫

≪Future development of the holy chain require a superior vessel, inhibition of growth is not tolerated≫

≪The hero's body is insufficient to wield a holy weapon, retrograde is necessary for better performance≫

≪Superior growth is necessary, the foundation of the hero's former body requires remodeling due to several issues≫

So basically my body couldn't support six weapons at the same time? Or my health was just that bad. It's not like they were dissing me.

Well, that's what I got since I didn't exactly eat healthy. The fruit I ate mostly were bananas due to a fear of pesticides.

"Please take a seat Yuusha-sama, your meal will be with you shortly." I nodded to the waiter/servant, wondering if I should ask for a change of clothes and take a bath afterwards. I was covered in dried sweat and smelled.

I'll do it after eating then. I now noticed all my pajamas and the metal boots still fit me, which is why I didn't notice what was off. It seems the legendary weapons have an auto-size correction. My arms and legs are much thinner and lean after burning through all my fat, muscle, bones and organs.

I'd question the repercussions of such a phenomena, but meh. It's magic, ain't gotta explain shit.

Besides it's nice not having such a big body. It's like having oversized tits; it's just as bad.

As the servants set the table, I decide to check up on the last of my menu while sipping on a glass of water.

These guys don't have toothpaste, maybe a toothbrush but I'll probably need table salt to brush with it. No facial cleansers either, so it's no wonder these guys don't look like they're straight out of an anime.

Let's see. The icon with two white upper halves of silhouettes next to each other. Well, I didn't have many friends in games either.

The official name is communications. It was basically a 'friends list'. So I can use telepathy or a messaging system to contact others across long distances. Neat.

The next tab were a small group of silhouettes wielding a sword and shield, bow and a spear sticking out behind them. Group functions, which included experience distribution percentage. Basically a party/raid system. And there was no upper limit of them..?

The last one was a crown icon. It was labeled Affiliations underneath it.

Aultcray Melromarc 1/100 (Distrustful)

Three Hero Church -90/100 (Nemesis)

Melromarc Kingdom 0/100 (Neutral)

Castle Town Melromarc 10/100 (Anxious)

Huh, so it keeps a record of my relationships with people? Wait. Then what's the last one for? Two silhouettes hugging each other with a smile drawn on them and a hearts floating around.

「No lovers at the moment. Please find a spouse or romantic partner to access functions」

Of course. What's the next one... it was blacked out with a question mark. Of course. What's next, gacha? Evolution?

Anyways, I put away the menu and began eating the noble fair. I'm not sure how a feast worthy of thanksgiving was breakfast, but I did know eating more at breakfast and less at dinner was better if I was going to be working physically from now on. Unless my body's physiology has changed somehow as well.

The tender medium rare red meat, the melting cheese wheel, bacon and eggs, loaf of freshly baked bread, mushroom and onion soup, the vegetable platter...

I think I'll need to increase my 'hunger' meter somehow. I don't want to last too little and run back for lunch or something. Can these holy weapons act as food storage? It would sure beat running out of food and then running back to town for a snack, or cooking immediately after a battle because my hunger meter filled up back to 0 way too fast for my liking.

≪The hero requires sufficient levels of sustenance in order to develop strength≫

≪Balanced nutrition is necessary for the hero to increase their depth of capability≫

I ignored the messages after the second. Basically I think they're telling me to eat my fruits, vegetables and drink my milk.

...Wait, I should just feed it to my equipment. The rest I'll just empty into my inventory.

"Please enjoy your meal Yuusha-sama, please do not hesitate to call us if you have any problems or need something." Nearly all of them left to the next room on standby, save for some generic maid looking woman who was to be at my beck and call or to be intentionally part of the scenery as eye candy.

...

Red Berry Shield

HP+5

SP+5

Hunger +1

Defense +1

Life Element +5

Earth Element +5

Water Element +5

Protection against Fruits +1

Protection against Plants +1

Consumption Bonus Effect +10

Fruit Quality +10

Fruit Production Quality +10

Fruit Growth Speed +10

Fruit Recipe Production Quality +10

Fruit Handling Speed +10

Cooking Bonus +10

Special Ability Bouncing Fruit +10 Automatic Fruit Harvesting +10

Equip Effect Protection +5

The heck is bouncing fruit...? When I change the shield it becomes a giant fruit cut in half strapped to my arm. And 'handling' speed? Also, I'm getting a defense bonus against fruits.

Interestingly, unlike the vague bonuses seen from Naofumi's point of view, it's a pure bonus. And it seems feeding my weapons food directly increased my hunger meter.

It seems Naofumi was quite OP since numerically, a 10 point bonus is no different from being paid extra by your boss for doing excellent work. But still, Cuisine Bonus? No wonder the shield boi's cooking seemed so good despite unlocking so little in the middle of the story.

However this cannot be said for other weapons when I start feeding food to them.

Cheese Bow

SP +1%

Attack +1%

Accuracy +1%

Hunger +1%

Energy Affinity +100%

Attack Against Soft Enemies +10%

Attack Against Young +5%

Attack Against Old +5%

Allergies Resistance +100%

Consumption Bonus Effect +100%

Cheese Quality +100%

Cheese Production Quality +100%

Cheese Maturation Speed +100%

Cheese Recipe Production Quality +100%

Cooking +100%

Taste +20%

Special Ability Firm Shot +100%

Equip Effect SPR +10%

The bow seems to be increasing it based on a percentage. In fact it's a multiplier. However I don't know have a clue what this 'firm shot' exactly is until I try it. It's a good thing that food directly increases my max SP and hunger meter. It went up to 102 and it's still rising when I unlocked more.

However 100% bonus huh... well if I had only a single weapon, it would be no different from being a plain +10. However this doubles the base instead of being a flat bonus. So if the product in question was poor it would be average instead. If it was the shield, axe and chain, it would still be 'perfect' or high quality. With normal produce, it would be hard to tell the difference if they had the exact same initial quality.

And then, the Consumption Bonus effect. In games, you receive buffs from cooking; in Mabinogi it's a flat stat bonus but in others it's percentage based as well as EXP buffs. In Epic Battle Fantasy, rare foods give permanent stat buffs, but my weapons were already doing that for me. I'm not too sure about the element thing though.

Juicy Poultry Leg Sword

HP +1%

SP +1%

Attack +1%

Hunger +5%

Life Affinity +100%

Wind Affinity +100%

Earth Affinity +100%

Aqua Affinity +50%

Attack to Animals +1%

Consumption Bonus Effect +100%

Poultry Quality +100%

Poultry Growth Correction +100%

Poultry Recipe Production Quality +100%

Cooking +100%

Taste +100%

Special Ability Lure Beast +100%

Equip Effect Produce Meat (Edible)

I'm also receiving the derivative versions, including the Poultry series. It seems I gained a farming related skill? It means beast type monsters are more likely to come attack me now.

But still... I can eat it? It won't turn back into metal?

≪The legendary sword will provide assistance to the sword hero's growth≫

...I'm not sure how to feel about this. Does this mean if I change to that weapon, monsters can eat my meat sword?

...Let's stop that line of though. I'm going to lose my appetite. Besides it probably doesn't taste that good. Only as a last ditch effort if I'm trapped and starving probably. And Life Element meaning it's due to being an organism then? The bonus is higher than the berry though though.

Juicy Poultry Wing Chain

HP +5

SP +5

Attack +1

Range +1

Life Affinity +5

Wind Affinity +10

Earth Affinity +5

Aqua Affinity +5

Attack to Animals +10

Consumption Bonus Effect +10

Poultry Quality +10

Poultry Growth Correction +10

Poultry Growth Rate +10

Poultry Recipe Production Quality +10

Cooking +10

Taste +5

Special Ability Fragrant Strike +10

Equip Effect Smells Tasty +10

I think the Poultry/chicken wing axe is pretty funny. But while I'm at it, I should feed them the bones as well to get another weapon... form out of it.

Ceramics Axe

Attack +1

Defense +1

Critical Chance +10

Critical Damage +10

Earth Affinity +10

Fire Affinity +5

Attack to Objects +10

Ceramics Quality +10

Ceramics Production Quality +10

Ceramics Durability +10

Plating +10

Special Ability Fragment Hack +1

Equip Effect Attack +2

Earth Element and Fire Element, does it mean elemental attacks or magic? How interesting. So metal will splinter off my weapon when I swing it by using this skill? Interesting. But what the heck is plating? Appearance of my dish so it looks more appetizing?

Anyways I got 16 extra Critical Chance and Bonus from getting the ceramics series for each weapon (bowl, plate, ceramic, cup) including the bowls, but there wasn't enough of them because I only had two cups on the table and a missing a few bowls and plates, leaving the last for extra.

So I shattered one of them each instead of feeding the rest to a bowl. This let me gain the Ceramics Fragment series which let me have a PENETRATION bonus, which increased my stat from the vague range to a total of 11. And I'll need the other fragments series. Genius.

Penetration was part of damage calculation formula in Mabinogi, an old revamped Korean MMORPG that allowed attacks to go through a monster's Protection stat, which effectively cut damage by a percentage (of the protection value) since Protection value also decreased the chance of a critical attack as well with its value.

Also, isn't ceramics just glazed, hardened processed clay?

...

...I got the clay series and the clay fragment series. This slightly increased my attack, defense and range further, but I only ended up with 6 more crit chance and damage to a total of 167 Which becomes 192% with my 25% critical rate base. In other words I would literally crit every hit (possibily not?). This was because not only did I get the clay series (which only the fragment series gave the crit boost) but the hardened clay equivalent of all the ceramics I unlocked increased it as well. Even though ceramics were literally hardened, glazed clay after undergoing processing with chemicals.

Anyways, my head is messed up enough to count plates, tea cups, bowls and the soup pot, by distinguishing it with small, medium, and large ones; as well as being a soup bowl, and a soup pot. Well, even though it's the sense of a child's distinction, I benefitted from it in the end. Too bad, the only skill I got was 'Fragmented Precision' from the shard, but the stat bonus made my day.

In the end it's all about the perception of the world. And effort.

I'll just buy some from a store in the future to settle the rest of the series. How about glass cups? Metal bowls? The water jug as well...

I'm sure the people at Melromarc castle won't mind me helping myself to everything by the table right? I need to give my cooking a crazy buff since my soup pot was giving me a total of 10+10+10x2x2x2 (240?) cooking bonus from my ceramic cooking pot equipment alone... disregard the ceramic soup pot it's enough to give me a headache trying to keep up. I'm not sure if all the weapons bonus stack onto my body together or they just do it independently due to the nature of holy weapons conflicting with each other. Automatic soup making skill and boiling, really?

I'm expecting a crazy number but I feel I'll get a heart attack just looking at it. God I hope my status won't crash from trying to keep up with all these buffs.

Front-Right Chair Leg Spear

Recovery Rate +1%

Attack +3%

Defense +1%

Evasion +1%

Critical Rate +1%

Critical Damage +1%

Light Affinity +50%

Wood Affinity +100%

Attack to Object +10%

Furniture Quality +10%

Furniture Production Quality +10%

Furniture Durability +10%

Special Ability Splintering Spear +100%

Equip Effect SPR +1%

So the furniture I have lasts longer and is overall better if I make it myself? How convenient. And my recovery rate goes up as well, plus my crits went up as well... but why did I get a light element buff?

What's more, I can nitpick about the chair's anatomy.

I feed each weapon chair legs, the seat, the support, the stile, top rail, cross rail, spindle, ear.. there were plenty of chairs in this ridiculously long dining hall, which was empty save for me and a couple of maids who seemed to be shocked at what I was doing. I just need to find a chair with arms later so I can get more stat bonuses.

Hmm. I should get some nice cabinets later.

Steel Platter Shield

Defense +3

Protection +1

Auto Guard Rate +1

Light Affinity +1

Metal Affinity +5

Defense From Objects +10

Consumption Bonus Effect +10

Plating Quality +10

Plating Production Quality +10

Special Ability Additional Defense +10 Shield Throwing +10

Equip Effect Defense +2

Hm. I already had the shield throwing skill. Does this mean my current 'Shield Throwing' skill gets a boost?

Hmm. In other words, 2x to 3x stronger? Or did it multiply? Anyways, the equipment forms I unlock were oddly specific, but as expected that's what I got for trying to get the most out of my new powers.

Well the powers these legendary artifacts seem to be giving me anyways. It seems I've learned that unlocking new forms grants me bonuses. Specifically, it seems to make me hit harder against certain foes or defend better against weaponry and organisms, which is interesting.

Onion Mushroom Cream Soup Axe

HP +10

SP +20

Recovery Rate +10

Attack +1

Hunger +4

Int +1

Life Affinity +20

Aqua Affinity +20

Earth Affinity +10

Underwater Mobility +1

Attack to Plants +1

Attack to Fungus +1

Attack to Microorganisms +1

Vegetable Quality +10

Fungi Quality +10

Dairy Quality +10

Liquid Quality +10

Vegetable Production Quality +10

Vegetable Growth Correction +10

Vegetable Growth Speed +10

Vegetable Recipe Production Quality +10

Vegetable Handling Speed +10

Fungi Production Quality +10

Fungi Growth Correction +10

Fungi Growth Speed +10

Fungi Recipe Production Quality +10

Fungi Handling Speed +10

Dairy Production Quality +10

Dairy Production Speed +10

Dairy Recipe Production Quality +10

Liquid Recipe Production Quality +10

Cooking +10

Taste +30

Consumption Bonus Effect +10

Special Ability Omnivore Attraction +10

Equipment Bonus Tasty Soup Dispensing +10

"Cough cough*...l this was the first time I got a parameter stat boost outside of the usual 3 and the obvious ladder/wall of text.

Plus this basically meant... I could feed it cooked stuff and my equipment would register it as something new, giving me more bonuses?

...

Wow, this is broken. Really exploitable too. I wonder if I'm going to be nerfed any time soon. And what the heck is omnivore attraction? Do I get more attractive to people or something? Charisma bonus? That just sends shivers just thinking of guys trying to get close to me. I didn't want any Charisma bonuses period, knowing the story of Lala's mother triggering a galactic war due to her beauty.

I shook my head. I suppose I should finish eating and get my cutlery. And the table.

I'm sure they won't mind. I'm going to save the world after all. I have the shoes of 4 heroes to fill in and a potential super unbeatable impossible last boss fight.


End file.
